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How to know if my online psychologist is the right one for me

Made by the Psy Red Team.

Reviewed by Patricia Villalobos, Master in Psychology

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Finding an online psychologist that really fits you can make all the difference between a transformative therapy and one that just doesn't work for you. In the digital world, building a good relationship with your therapist goes far beyond their titles or credentials: you need to feel a connection, trust and a sense of being understood for change to be possible. Find out how to know if you've found the right professional to accompany you on your journey, or if perhaps it's time to look for new options.

Why it's important to connect with your therapist online?

The connection with your virtual psychologist is not a whim, but a key element of effective therapy. According to Lambert, the quality of the therapeutic relationship significantly influences treatment outcomes, regardless of the approach used. This finding underscores the importance of cultivating an authentic connection, especially in virtual sessions that can present additional challenges.

How to recognize a good distance therapist

Here are some signs that you have found a good online therapist:

  1. He really listens to you: He pays genuine attention, remembers what you told him in previous sessions, and asks questions that dig deeper into what really matters to you.
  2. He handles technology well: He does not waste time with technical problems, uses the platform with ease and adapts his techniques to the digital environment without losing quality.
  3. He is emotionally present: Even though he is miles away, you feel he is completely with you, connected to your emotions throughout the session.
  4. Has clear rules but is flexible: Establishes clear schedules and policies, but also understands when you have an emergency or need something out of the ordinary.

A study in the American Journal of Psychiatry that therapists who show great empathy and know how to adapt to each patient's needs achieve better results in online therapy.

Signs you may not be with the right therapist

Not all psychologists, even the most qualified, will be right for you. Some warning signs may be:

  • You feel that he doesn't understand you: After several sessions, you still have the feeling that he doesn't really grasp what you are trying to communicate.
  • They have very different values: You notice important differences in their values or way of looking at life that interfere with your therapeutic process.
  • Their style doesn't fit with yours:  Their way of communicating (too direct or too ambiguous, too theoretical or too practical) doesn't connect with your way of processing information.
  • You see no change: After a reasonable time (about 8-10 sessions), you do not notice any progress or new perspective.
  • You constantly feel uncomfortable: This is not the natural discomfort when talking about difficult topics, but a nagging feeling that something is wrong.

How to change online psychologist (without feeling bad about it)

If you have come to the conclusion that your current therapist is not the right fit, changing psychologist can be a positive and courageous step:

  1. Think through what's not working: Clearly identify what aspects of the relationship are not working for you.

     

  2. Talk to your current therapist: When you can, communicate your decision. Good professionals understand these situations and may even be able to recommend someone more compatible.

     

  3. Ask for a summary of your process: You have the right to request a summary of your treatment that you can share with your new therapist if you wish.

     

  4. Give some time in between: Take a few days between therapists to process the experience and clarify what you are looking for in the new relationship.

     

  5. Take advantage of trial sessions: Many psychologists offer a free brief consultation to see if there is chemistry before you commit.

Building a good relationship in your virtual practices

Creating a good online therapeutic relationship is the responsibility of both:

  • Be honest from the beginning: Communicate your expectations, goals and previous experiences in therapy.
  • Prepare your space well: Create an environment where you feel comfortable to open up and concentrate during the sessions.
  • Give and ask for feedback: Don't be afraid to say what works and what doesn't in the dynamic with your therapist.
  • Commit to the process: Attending regularly and completing the recommended tasks between sessions significantly improves results.

What to look for in your ideal online therapist

The ideal virtual therapist has certain specific qualities:

  • He knows how to connect through the screen: He has the ability to transmit understanding and closeness even if they are miles away.
  • He explains his method: He explains how he works and how he adapts his approach to the online format.
  • Master the technology: Manage digital tools well so that you can focus on therapy, not technical problems.
  • Knows how to adapt to the digital environment: Adjusts techniques and exercises to work effectively in a virtual format.

Research published in Frontiers in Psychology indicates that these digital-specific skills predict better outcomes than general therapist competencies.

Conclusion

Finding an online psychologist that fits you is a personal process that requires paying attention to how you feel about the relationship and the connection you make in virtual consultations. The signs of a good therapist go beyond their titles: they include their ability to genuinely connect with you, adapt to the virtual environment, and respond to what you really need. If you feel that your current therapist is not the right fit, remember that changing psychologist is perfectly valid on your path to wellness. The important thing is that you find a professional that you trust and helps you achieve the changes you are looking for.

Frequently asked questions

How many sessions should I try with an online psychologist before deciding if it works for me?

Ideally, you should give him/her between 3 and 5 sessions to see if you connect with him/her. It's enough to get over the initial discomfort but not so much that you get stuck in a relationship that doesn't help you.

How do I tell my therapist that I want to change without sounding ugly?

Be honest but respectful, focusing on your needs rather than criticizing him or her. A good professional will understand that chemistry is essential and will not take it personally.

Is it normal to feel uncomfortable in the first sessions with an online psychologist?

Yes, some discomfort at the beginning is totally normal while the relationship is forming. The key is whether that discomfort gradually diminishes or persists after several sessions.

What questions can I ask in the first session to see if a therapist will work for me?

Ask about their experience with your problem, their approach, how they work in online sessions and how they evaluate progress.

Do psychologists get upset when you decide to change to another professional?

Good therapists understand perfectly well that not all relationships work out well; a prepared professional will handle these changes naturally and without taking them personally.

How does the therapist's style affect our compatibility?

Different approaches (cognitive-behavioral, psychodynamic, humanistic, among others) imply different ways of working; knowing which style best fits your personality and needs can greatly improve compatibility with your psychologist.

Are there tools to evaluate whether my online psychologist is working for me?

Yes, there are questionnaires such as the Therapeutic Alliance and other satisfaction tools that can help you objectively assess the quality of your therapeutic relationship and whether you are making progress as expected.

Key points of the article

  1. The relationship with your online psychologist can determine up to 30% of the therapeutic success, even more than the techniques used.

  2. A good online therapist listens, masters technology, connects emotionally, is flexible and offers useful feedback.

  3. If after several sessions you feel that they do not understand you, have very different values, their style does not work for you or you do not see progress, perhaps you should consider changing psychologists.

  4. Changing therapists involves reflecting honestly on what is not working, communicating your decision when possible, and giving yourself some time before starting with someone new.

  5. Creating a good online therapeutic relationship is a two-way street: be honest, prepare your space well, communicate what works and what doesn't, and commit to the process.

  6. The ideal online therapist knows how to connect through the screen, explains how he or she works, masters the technology, knows how to adapt to the virtual and understands the particularities of digital communication.

  7. Several studies confirm that a good therapeutic relationship predicts better results.

  8. Try between 3 and 5 sessions before deciding whether to continue, this time is enough to see if there is real chemistry between you.

  9. Choosing the right therapeutic style improves the compatibility and outcomes of the process.

  10. Changing therapists when there is no good connection is not a failure, but a healthy decision on your path to emotional well-being.

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